


the summer that you were here

by yurishika



Category: Figure Skating RPF
Genre: Angst, F/M, M/M, Tanabata
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-07-07
Updated: 2014-07-07
Packaged: 2018-02-07 20:47:40
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,576
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1913298
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/yurishika/pseuds/yurishika
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Michael was his first love, unfortunately not his last.</p>
            </blockquote>





	the summer that you were here

_In the end of summer, we snuck away to this park we had found_

_Do you remember that constellation somehow?_

 

 

 

 

Yuzuru remembers it well, the day he and Michael spent tanabata for the first time. Michael had looked self-conscious back then, adjusting the sash of the yukata that Yuzuru had lent him because they’re almost the same size. Yuzuru, meanwhile, couldn’t contain his grin, and the warmth that spread to his chest, reaching out for Michael’s hand as they walked to town.

Today, Michael is wearing a yukata, one he rented in the nearby store. This time Yuzuru’s smile is more reserved, and Michael’s is, too. There’s still that warmth spreading to his chest, but whether Michael has the same warmth is unknown to him. He can no longer reach out for Michael’s hand, because Michael’s hand is already holding someone else’s.

“Long time no see.” It’s Michael who speaks up, no longer the shy boy Yuzuru had fallen in love with years ago. He’s gotten a couple of inches taller, much to his chagrin, and that awkward air is gone, most likely honed as the local and international spotlight turned their eyes on him as the rising star for 2018.

“Long time no see to you, too.” Yuzuru wonders why he feels so small at the moment, and he’s relieved that Kanako breaks the impending tension by giving Michael a hug.

He looks at Soyoun, looking beautiful in her kimono that he catches some passersby staring. Michael seems to have noticed, too, because he pulls her closer, as if possessive. Soyoun hits his arm lightly with her fan, and Haejin and Jinseo laugh beside her, launching into a round of teasing.

Yuzuru’s never going to admit how this moment is throwing him back in time. And he’s never going to admit how much he’d like to go back in time.

Michael was his first love, unfortunately not his last. Yuzuru thought that life is all about gliding and jumping and making people’s emotions stir on ice, but it was Michael who made him see life in different shapes and colors, off the rink. With Michael, there is as much excitement in passion in life that makes Yuzuru exhausted, but never wanting to stop.

It was an ideal relationship, if he was being honest with himself. His mother and Coach Orser may not approve of him staying up until three in the morning to make a phone call at the other side of the world, but Yuzuru couldn’t care less because the thought of Michael’s smile would keep him awake anyway. They were each other’s pillars, cheering each other on and never compromising each other’s dreams.

Today feels like opening a vault of memories, jumping headfirst and swimming back to butterflies in the stomach as they walked in the empty park, to gasps of breath after the magical kiss as the fireworks burst out of the night sky.

He snaps back to reality when he feels someone elbow his arm, and he sees Kanako looking at him with a frown. “You okay?” she asks, concern evident in her voice.

“Yeah, sure.” Yuzuru finds his gaze back to Michael and Soyoun. Michael had just won a game in one of the festival stalls, handing Soyoun a bunny plushie. He had seen pictures of Michael and Soyoun on Facebook and Instagram, and he thinks the feeling of loss should be gone a long time ago, but it’s not.

Of course Kanako knows him long enough, and she wasn’t fooled by his answer. “You should go talk to him,” she suggests. “Just to get closure.”

Yuzuru knows he should, of course. Theirs had been a magical relationship, strong and powerful. Yuzuru wonders if it ever happened at all, if it ended so abruptly. The wound is still fresh, and after two years, all Yuzuru can feel for Michael is love.

He gets the chance when Kanako drags Soyoun, Haejin, and Jinseo to show them around the temple. Michael is hunched on the nearby bench, eyebrows furrowed together as he bites his pen and stares at the sheet of paper he’s holding. He chuckles fondly and strides towards the younger one. “Mind if I join you?” he asks.

Michael looks up, unflustered, and he smiles and nods. “Sure.” He shifts from his seat so that Yuzuru can sit down.

Yuzuru remembers the confession of their love started like this, writing on their strips of paper. Michael was secretive as he wrote on his strip of paper, but Yuzuru felt brave and had blurted out, “My wish is to be with you.” Michael had brightened up, showing his own strip of paper that echoed the same wish. Yuzuru was sure the happiest moment in his life was placing first in the Olympics, but this could come close, too.

“What did you wish for?” Yuzuru asks, looking at his own piece of paper.

“Just the usual wishes,” Michael replies, chuckling in embarrassment. “Make it to 2018, hopefully get a podium finish, that kind of stuff.”

“With the way the Tropical Ice Prince is sweeping up a storm in the figure skating world, I’m sure you will,” Yuzuru tells him with a smile.

Michael grins, brighter than the dim lights that have turned on as soon as the sun has set. “I guess we’ll be against each other again,” he says.

“I look forward to it,” Yuzuru says, and he’s telling the truth.

Michael eyes the strip of paper in his hand. “How about you?” he asks. “What did you wish for?”

“Basically the same,” Yuzuru lies. _Happiness_ is written in his strip, but how he’s going to achieve that is something he hadn’t thought much of. Back then, he thought of happiness as expressing himself on the ice and making others happy, as drowning in Michael’s smile and embrace and being caught up in his love for him …

“You’re the defending Olympic gold medalist, you’re sure to have a podium finish!”

“You can never know,” he says, hastily standing up. “Come on, let’s go hang our wishes.”

They hang their strips of paper on the bamboo trees nearby, working in silence. Their fingers occasionally brush against each other, and Yuzuru tends to pull away on instinct, every time, as if a shock of electricity suddenly coursed throughout his body. Michael doesn’t seem to notice the reaction the least bit, more focused on hanging his paper than anything else.

“Remember,” Yuzuru speaks up, and Michael looks at him, “remember when I told you that I want you to be happy?”

Recognition dawns on Michael, and he nods, grinning as his strip of paper is finally tied tightly on the bamboo branch. “Yeah, I do,” he says. “It was in the closing party in NHK, right?”

Yuzuru can never forget that, either. It was a bittersweet night, he winning gold for the NHK Trophy and Michael getting bronze. They hadn’t been hanging out since the competition started, both too busy in training, and the hug they shared during the closing ceremony was stiff than affectionate. Back then, Yuzuru was thrown back to arguments unresolved, to calls and messages left unanswered, and the awkward silence that would follow every conversation upon reunion. Their relationship was on that road now, and they have to talk.

He had never expected that on that night, everything would be over.

“Are you happy?” Yuzuru asks, his voice barely above a whisper. “Does she make you happy?”

Of course, he knows the answer to that. Kanako has caught him looking at Michael’s Facebook and Instagram and keeps asking him why he’s torturing himself by looking at Michael and Soyoun’s photos with cheesy quotes for captions. Yuzuru guesses it’s because he wants a confirmation, or rather the harsh reality, that Michael can be happy, but not with him.

Michael blinks, as if not expecting the question at all. Eventually he meets his gaze and nods. “I am happy,” he replies, and Yuzuru can feel the truth stabbing him. “I’m happy with Soyoun. I’m not sure if this is for a long time running, but …” A smile creeps to his face, a smile Yuzuru recognizes was once reserved for him. “Yeah, she does.”

“Okay.” Yuzuru nods; it’s the only thing he can do right now. “Then I’m happy for you.” And that’s the truth.

By this time, they hear Kanako’s voice, yelling at them to hurry up because the fireworks will be coming out in a bit. Michael tilts his head to the side, an invitation to go, and they walk to where the others are, side by side. Kanako looks at him, silently questioning how the conversation went, and Yuzuru’s about to approach her for a reply when the fireworks started coming out. From the corner of his eye, he can see Michael wrapping an arm around Soyoun’s waist as they look up, and he promptly looks away.

“Are you okay?” Kanako asks him for the second time that day.

“Not yet,” Yuzuru admits. “But I will be.” Michael is his first love, that he can’t deny, and it breaks his heart to know that Michael isn’t his last. But with this loss come memories and lessons, of never giving up on something that matters. Yuzuru may not make Michael happy the same way as Soyoun is now, but he’s thankful that he had spent two years with his first love, his first everything.

Now it’s time to find his last.

**Author's Note:**

> \- cross-posted to [lj](http://taisetsukotoba.livejournal.com/5575.html) and mizurumonday.  
> \- the title of the fic is taken from ZONE’s _hanabi ~kimi ga ita natsu~_.  
>  \- the fic is inspired by [this](http://elitedaily.com/dating/open-letter-first-love/622314/). some feelings resurfaced when i read this post, so, um, hence the angsty feels.  
> \- another inspiration is otsuka ai’s _planetarium_. (yes, i can feel people’s murderous tendencies towards me now.) the beginning lines in the fic are from _planetarium_ , the translation taken from jslyrics @ LJ.  
> \- i know the fic is bittersweet, but i wanna wish everyone a happy tanabata day! i hope your wishes will come true! ^0^


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